Douse the Flames

This piece represents my artistic journey throughout the years—the repeating all-seeing flowers I dream about, as well as the repeating burnout. When I first began pursuing art professionally in 2017, I said “yes” to every opportunity I could. I was inexperienced, excited, and unfocused. This could run anyone down, but I pushed myself past my limits often, even through the depression and undiagnosed chronic illness.

Even though I was constantly exhausted and oftentimes found myself frustrated that I couldn’t do as much as other people, I thought I just needed to push and work harder. This obviously wasn’t a healthy mindset to be in. It also isn’t a unique one, especially for those of us living in western societies, like the United States. In 2022, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune thyroid disorder, Hashimoto’s, after struggling with hormonal issues for over a decade and constantly being dismissed by medical professionals.

Prior to my diagnosis, my body eventually forced me to take a break, causing an artistic burnout that lasted about three years. I stopped creating altogether for about two years of that time-frame. I grieved, and I questioned if I’d ever find inspiration or the ability to create again. The feeling to give up on art forever was gripping. In the autumn of 2023, my love for creating was sparked again when I attended IX for the first time. Here I am, late 2024, rediscovering myself as an artist, embracing my needs, and sharing my culture. Although the burnout still lingers, I can feel, finally, that the flames are being doused.